I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
