I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
