There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
