He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
