Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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