Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
