How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize