He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize