In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
