your thong is hanging out like whoa
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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