he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
