My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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