I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The air taste purple.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
