Yo dont text me then not text me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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