If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
