It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
