I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
