rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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