i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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