Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
