Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
