you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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