the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
