doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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