U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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