youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize