yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
