why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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