I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
