Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
