I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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