this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
