it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize