I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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