Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
