So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
