Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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