R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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