Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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