You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
