return my video game
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
