If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
