I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
