He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
