i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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