I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
