I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
