Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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