the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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