how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
