Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
