It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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