we're chasing vodka with high fives
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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