Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
