Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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