I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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