Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So much rum. So many feels.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
