dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
