I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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