"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize