Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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