Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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