Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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