He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
