I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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