Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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