I didn't shave. On purpose
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
